I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have fence marks all over my body
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sex in the backyard? Check.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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