even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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