You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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