What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Randomize
