After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize