I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
