Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
