My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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