you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He felt like a one man threesome
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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