Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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