my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
