I think I won the penis lottery.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i dont even know how to be here
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
