Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
