I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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