READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
