so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize