mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
