There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
