her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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