haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
