You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
