i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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