As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
