On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
