Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize