just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
