Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
