Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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