I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just puked most of my soul out..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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