i think my mom watched the whole time
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
