she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
