There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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