i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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