just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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