Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
