worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
