She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
