Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How external is "for external use only"?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You're a waste of cheezeits
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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