just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
