I heard we made out
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is Oprah even human
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
