i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
