I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
