So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
