His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
