I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
