so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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