I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just high enough for therapy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
