Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize