and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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