I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
