I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
