My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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