He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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