Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
