found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
