I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
