Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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