i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
