It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize