Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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