WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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