What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
