all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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