had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
