dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Randomize
