my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
