honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
