David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
