I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
