I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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