They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
