Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
