I seem to have left my pride at pride
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
