So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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