best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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