do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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