hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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