Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
how does that bad decision feel?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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