update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
