sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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