New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
