sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Come on in and take your pants off
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