And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
