so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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