I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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