Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
