can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
