i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize