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What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
