Life is so much better after having sex.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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