shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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