the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
