Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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