Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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