i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
