Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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