Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
