he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
