I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
