I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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