Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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