If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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