get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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