Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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