I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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