i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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