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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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