It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
