the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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