TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
