dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
