It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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