I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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