ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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