The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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